Three Tips For Choosing a Guardian For Your Children

By: Hillary D. Vaillancourt, Esq.

 Most of us don’t give much thought to having a will until we welcome our first child. Then, somewhere in the back of our minds, we start to wonder, What happens to my child if something happens to me?

 However, too many families do not have an estate plan (a will, a medical directive, a healthcare proxy, and a power of attorney). You know you need one, but you drag your feet hoping nothing bad happens (and most likely stressing about it in the meantime). You’re not alone.

 In fact, Mike and I had trouble creating our own estate plan, and I’m an estate planning lawyer! Why?

One of the most common reasons why families fail to have a plan is because they can’t decide on a guardian for their child or children. That was the reason Mike and I struggled to draft a plan when we welcomed our now toddler son.

We love our family members and have really great friends, but who was just right to step in and take our place if we should both pass away?

The truth is, nobody is ever going to love and care for your children the way you do. You’re their parents. You have been there through the boo-boos and nightmares, the first words and coos and hugs and smooches. You may have carried your child. You may have watched your partner carry your child and seen the little toes and fingers punching against Mama’s belly. The bond of parenthood is unlike any other.

It is also true, however, that failing to have a plan at all means your children may end up in foster care at least for a time until legal guardianship can be established. Meanwhile, your children will be in the care of strangers instead of with someone you love and trust.

So, how do you finally decide who should serve as a guardian of your children?

1. Make a List

Most likely if you think of all the people you know who you would prefer to take care of your kids more than a foster family, you can come up with a pretty hefty list.

I have the utmost respect for foster families, by the way. This is not meant to villify foster families at all. But, we generally would prefer that our children be immediately brought into the care of trusted family or friends known to us than a foster family, especially in the aftermath of a crisis such as your passing.

1. Determine Your Values

After you have your list of all of your potential candidates, the next step is to consider what your core values are and the values with which you want your children to be raised.

Is eating clean food and spending time together eating at the table as a family important to you? Or, maybe you don’t care how many times you eat meals from the drive-thru so long as your kids stay active and are in lots of activities.

Maybe it’s important to you that your children learn the value of giving back and volunteering. Or, maybe you want your kids to know the value of the dollar and working hard to be financially stable.

 Whatever the case may be, think about what value system you are instilling in your

children and which of those values is of most importance to you.

1. Narrow Down Your List

Once you have your overall list, you can see that there are probably quite a few potential candidates for guardianship of your children.

Your task now is to narrow down your choices according to who best shares your value-system.

Most parents first think of who might have the finances to care for your children. But, instead, you want to think about which of your family and friends would raise your children with the values you care most about. 

You want to also choose at least one back-up guardian, but ideally two. This way, as circumstances change in your loved ones lives, if the first or second guardian is unable or unwilling to serve as guardian, you still have another option as a trusted guardian for your children.

 No matter how you slice it, choosing a guardian for you children can be an emotional process. But, having gone through this ourselves, we can assure you that once you have chosen a guardian, there is an immense sense of relief knowing you have someone in your life that can step in and care for your children should the need arise.

If you need additional guidance, please contact Hillary or Mike at The Vaillancourt Law Firm, LLC. We are happy to help protect your family.